The Company of Myself

2010-11-23T15:28:00.006+05:30

The night was dark,

The air was cold,

The path was lonely,

As I was foretold.

My mind was listless,

My eyes were vacant,

My heart sank to its abyss,

My soul was silent.

Lost in my thoughts,

I felt the hollow inside,

A void that could not be filled,

A pain that would not subside.

Betrayed by those,

Whom I once trusted,

I was stranded by those,

Whom I once coveted.

As I walked,

Down the empty road,

I began to ponder,

What he had once told.

You come alone,

You die alone,

What lies between,

Is what’s unknown.

You never came with company,

You never had allies,

All your friends and foes,

Are just worldly ties.

Your only ally,

Your only friend,

Whose trust and love,

Shall never end,

Is no one else,

But your own self,

It is the company,

Of your own self.

I jolted back,

To the present times,

Forgave my people,

Absolved their crimes.

Infused with vigor,

And zeal in my soul,

With a smile on my face,

I began my parole.

From that very moment,

I never looked behind,

Forgot my pain,

Redefined mankind.

I am never alone,

For I have the company of myself.

I do not fear the unknown,

For I have the company of myself.

I will always stand up,

To the company of myself.

We will never give up,

For we are the company of ourselves.

Wait Wait and... Wait

2009-11-22T00:21:00.060+05:30

Going by the title of this topic, it might appear to be an old bromide, but what I am going to articulate below are a few incidences that have changed my outlook towards people and situations...to an extent.

Incident 1: Monday, 9th November,2009 : 10.00 a.m. IST:
Location: S.P.I.T. main building, 3rd floor, room no. 312.
Event: S.E. Computers Batch A and B EDC final practical exam.

The entire batch is assembled in the classroom opposite the EDC lab. The atmosphere around is inundated with tension, anxiety and worries. The first sub-batch consisting of merely 8 students out of the wholesome 36 is called in. The rest are left wondering what would be their fate..or rather most of them are left with the "Mera number kab aayega?? " look on their faces.
I being a tail-ender at no. 35 looking at the watch thinks, "Aaj to mera practical ho chuka!!."

Luckily, the adjacent lab is opened up an hour later to accommodate another batch of students. I heave a sigh of relief, now firmly believing that my practicals would definitely finish today itself. All I have to do is...wait.

10.30: Waiting...

11.00: Waiting...

11.30: Waiting...

12.00: The last batch goes in, but due to miscalculations there are still 2 people, precisely me and the female after me, left with no tables empty to perform practicals. So again, what we do is...wait.

12.30: Waiting...

12.45: Finally the wait is over. We are called in to perform our practicals.

1.30: Everything goes well. My heart beating over 100 beats per minute finally decides to slow down a bit. But the wait is not yet over. Vivas. And the external examiner had arrived late and her vivas began just about an hour ago. That meant we would have to wait... again.

2.00: About 15-17 students are grilled. Each grilling taking some finite time between 5 minutes to 30 minutes, depending upon how well you have stuffed yourself for the entire roasting experience.

2.30: The external decides she has had enough, and calls for a lunch break. Implication? A minimum of half an hour delay in the entire process, meanwhile our anxiety levels still at the peak as we listen to the horrifying reviews of the students who were just released form the hot seat of the demoniac proctors.

3.00: Waiting...

3.30: Finally with as less as 4 people left, I am summoned before the professor. He too, tired by the entire day's events asks me a few 'not-so-difficult' questions. I answer happily and I am literally kicked out of the hot seat in not more than 5 minutes. And it actually seemed that the professor was more interested in whether the peon was bring a chai or a coffee, rather than taking my vivas.

4.00: Finally the wait is over. After a tiring day where practically I worked for 45+5=50 minutes and waited for over 5 hours, I return home.

Incident 2: Wednesday, 18th November 2009 : 10.00 a.m. IST:
Location: S.P.C.E main building, 1st floor, room no. 134.
Event: S.E. Computers Batch A and B DSF practical exam.

The entire batch of 36 students, dreading their fate are assembled in front of the computer lab. There are no classrooms available to accommodate the students. A few people who consider it against their status to sit on the ground are standing, the rest drop their dignity and take over the area opposite the lab and around the water-cooler and sit there with anxious faces.

10.30: A professor goes into the vacated lab (Ahh, finally someone to be seen apart from us!)

11.00: Waiting...

11.30: Finally the practicals begin, with all of us (luckily) performing them together.

11.35: I get my problem statement. One of the most dreaded one. Luckily I am quite well versed with it. So I decide to work with it.

12.00: The program is coded. Compiled properly. But is throwing some random 'ArrayIndexOutOfBounds' exception. I continue rambling my brain...

12.30: Ahh..problem solved. Code working. Properly executed.

1.00: The proctors are taking the project vivas for the B.E. students in the lab alongside. We have to wait, before our output is analyzed and the priceless 'Executed' tag is given to us on our answer sheets.

1.30: Waiting...

2.00: Waiting...

2.30: Finally the output is checked. 'Executed' tag attached. And we are not-so-generously shooed off from the a.c. lab on the excuse of giving us a lunch break. We are told to come back after 30 minutes.

3.00: We finish our lunch and wait for the proctors to return.

3.30: The proctors return, and the vivas begin. Again I being a tail-ender I sit in the corridor, dazing away in the air, wondering when this damn wait will be over...

4.00: The first 10 students are generously screwed. The rest, yet awaiting the process.

4.30: Realization dawns upon the proctors. The vivas which previously lasted for 10-15 minutes are shortened to not more than 2-3 minutes.

5.00: Finally my turn arrives. The not-so-much awaited one. I am asked 2 questions. I answer. Again due to shortage of time and fatigue possibly, I am shooed away earlier than anticipated.

5.15: Still the vivas being good, I am happy. I return home. Again, working time: 55+5=60 minutes. Waiting time: 5 hours.

In these two days I observed, the major reason for my fatigue was mental, because physically there was nothing I had done to cause the drained out feeling. And waiting was an essential part of the mental stress.

Although we were made to wait for so long, I realized later on, there was actually no need to be frustrated, angry and disappointed, because this happens everyday and at every single place, not only to us but to numerous people all round the world . And there is practically nothing that we can do from our side to avoid it. Cursing people and swearing on them is only going to shoot up our own B.P. and spoil our own mood and eventually our own day. That was it...I had decided. If I have to wait henceforth in a situation where I cannot do anything from my side, I am going to keep my temper in check and possibly try to utilize my time for better and constructive work here onwards. And indeed I was given another opportunity in not more than 2 days to check whether I could keep up to my resolution. :D

Incident 3: 20th November, 2009: 11.00 a.m. IST:
Location: S.P.I.T. (from top to the bottom.)
Event: Collecting the application letter for the Tata scholarship.
Special Event: Hunt for the H.O.D. :P

So, at 11 in the morning about 8 of us gathered outside the main Quad to collect the application letter for the Tata scholarship and getting it signed from our H.O.D and our Principal. We had anticipated that our job would be done in not more than an hour and we would be free by 12 noon. And exactly what happened further? I reached home at 4.00 p.m. :P

11.00: Only me and my friend arrive. Others expected there are called up. The whole process including the wait takes no less than half an hour.

11.30: A few more arrive, the rest are still missing.

11.35: We go into the office and ask for the letter at the desk. We are shooed off and told to ask the peon for the same.

11.45: Finally we catch hold of the peon and get our letters from him. We are told to take our H.O.D.'s sign and verification of data first followed by our Principal's sign. We fill the form. Our Principal is not in her cabin. We begin our search for the H.O.D.

12.00: The H.O.D. is not in his cabin, on the 1st floor. We are directed to the 6th floor by some other professor. No luck. A little later, we are informed that our H.O.D. is busy in a meeting on the 4th floor.

12.15: We are waiting on the 4th floor outside the IT lab where the meeting is in progress. After about 20 minutes we decide to approach our Principal for the sign in case she goes missing later on...

12.30: We luckily get our Principal's sign inspite of the H.O.D.'s sign not being present. As she knew all of us, she vouched for us and signed the letter. After this, the fun began...

12.40: We return to the 4th floor, the lab is empty, no one is to be seen, every single person in the meeting is missing.

12.40-1.30: We endlessly run from the 1st to the 4th to the 6th floor in search of our H.O.D. , each time passing by the lift, asking the mama in the lift our H.O.D.'s most recent activity and location. (Maan that was fun...!) In the end one of us calls a co-professor who informs us that he is with our H.O.D. and on the 6th floor, and is coming downstairs soon. We wait, wait wait...atlast he arrives. But, he has to attend a meeting and so we are told to come a bit later(precisely we were told 15 minutes later) and get the letter signed.

1.30-2.45: We wait outside the conference room where the meeting is being conducted. And wait and wait, till finally at 2.45 p.m. the 15 minute wait is over. But, we have other issues.
Although our H.O.D. was now free and ready to give away signs, we are stopped by a shrilled voice that goes on to discuss our DSF syllabus, further our vivas and even further the reason why we join classes!!

3.15: Eventually escaping from it, after half an hour of pure, high pitch, ultrasonic torture, we manage to head towards our H.O.D.'s cabin.

3.30: We manage to get his sign on the letter. I head home, this time not quite tired (although I was) but still very happy at the end of it.

This time too, I had to wait. Even after deciding not to curse people I still swore at them. But in the end I was still in control of my temper and enjoyed the process rather than being irritated due to it. After all, what that wait gave me was:

- Running around the college, floor to floor, taking constant updates and directions from the lift mama.
- Simulating an undercover mission to search for the missing H.O.D. (Operation hunt for the H.O.D.)
- Having a hearty laugh over silly and stupid jokes, standing in the corridor that would not have been otherwise possible.
- Cherishing the memories seeing our juniors have fun, the same way we used to have, a year ago.
- Seeing old professors that taught us in the 1st year whom we otherwise don't meet.
- And last but not the least..It was actually fun to hear the words... Faaiiiirrrrrrr?????? :P

Comprehensions of a Crazy Mind

The Company of Myself

Wait Wait and... Wait